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Swingers Lifestyle Etiquette

Good manners matter in the Swinging Lifestyle

All of us want to be accepted and have fun in the swinging lifestyle It doesn't matter how often, with whom or where we swing. One of the best parts of the swinging lifestyle is that most of us treat each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be treated. If you follow the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should become a welcome guest at any swinging lifestyle event.


Swinging is a lifestyle full of ordinary people with normal insecurities, uncertainties and fears. We all prefer to be treated courteously - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. Basically, treat people the way you want to be treated.


Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time. Single guys especially should try to make friends with everyone, if people remember you as friendly they are far more likely to recommend you than someone who is surly.


RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. the most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette/manners and good social courtesy DEMAND you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes OR no. It will take you seconds, but make the hosts life much easier. If you cannot bother to respond, the host is less likely to invite you again in the future.


When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. (a party puts a strain on everything in the household, it is not only food and drink that are used to provide a party - lots of other consumables are used as well.) If you are not going as a couple, a house-gift is appropriate (find out what the hostess likes, it maybe smelly candles, or flowers, or chocolates, not necessarily wine - Jo for example does not drink wine!).

The exception to this would be if you are paying an entry fee for a party then no gift would be expected.


Take whatever you personally might need to get through the event, and we don't mean just booze and ciggies.

Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush and cologne.

If you plan to stay over, bring a sleeping bag or blankets and pillows, most hosts do not have an unlimited supply, if you look after yourself it takes some pressure off of then host.

Take a small sponge bag with items you may need during the party - we call these our play kits - include such items as wet wipes, condoms, breath mints, lubes, mini vibrators, maybe even a plastic bag for the rubbish, etc..


Not much turns a person off faster and more effectively than a smelly body or beer/coffee/ciggie breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what effect the time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do to your personal freshness. If you use the bathroom to freshen up, be as quick as you can, bathrooms are always in short supply, especially at house parties.


Be aware of the people around you, especially your partner. Not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that the people around you are relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, we were all beginners at some point and it pays dividends to be kind to someone who may be a little bit scared. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.


If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an open way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that. Tonight they may not want to play with you, but that may be for a personal reason, at the next party they may be very keen to play with you. Also, the reverse can be true. Just because someone played with you at the last party does not mean that they will want to play with you at the next.


Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. there is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.


The main rule in swinging, everywhere in the world, is the right of anyone to say "No" to anyone at anytime, even during sexual intercourse. Continuing to have sex with or fondle or touch another person after you have been told no is rape/sexual harassment.

 Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. the swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.


Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.

There are no recreational drugs that have a positive effect on sexual performance. A user may feel that he/she is being the most fantastic lover, but the truth is often that their performance is mediocre at best. If you need to use recreational drugs to get through the night, you are in the wrong lifestyle.

The only drugs which do improve performance are drugs such as Viagra/Kamagra and Cialis. Ecstasy, Cocaine, Meth etc. just do not work.


It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection. If either partner in a sexual encounter wishes to use a condom or femidom, then the product should be used.


Most people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social nicety of a "Thank You Note" or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a lot to most hosts, and they are more likely to remember you when planning their next event. Don't you like to be thanked?


When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds and put a supply of clean sheets in each playroom; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.


All replies to an ad should be answered right away, even if it is a No. Remember not all the people you write to are interested in you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief description of yourselves, what you liked about the ad, and expand on your social and sexual interests.


Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality, let your partner explore theirs, be brave and adventurous, try new things, new positions,  new combinations, and enjoy everything this wonderful lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.

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